What Does Co-Parenting After Separation Look Like?

In British Columbia, co-parents may use separation agreements or parenting plans to set out parenting schedules after separation. Parenting plans should always put the children’s best interests first, and should not be solely based on the convenience of the parents.

Decision Making and Guardianship

You and your co-parent should discuss whether guardianship and decision making should be shared. In some cases, one parent may want final say on parental responsibilities if the other co-parent is often away, or if one co-parent has primary parenting.

Shared Parenting Schedules

• Week On Week Off: this parenting schedule allows children an entire week with one co-parent and once a week the children will switch to the other co-parent’s home. With this type of schedule, you may want to consider a mid-week visit, or telephone/video calls during the week.

• 2-2-5-5: this parenting schedule allows the children to be with parent 1 for 2 days, parent 2 for 2 days, parent 1 for 5 days, and parent 2 for 5 days.

• 2-2-3: this parenting schedule allows the children to be with parent 1 for 2 days, parent 2 for 2 days, parent 1 for 3 days, and then it switches, so that parent 2 has the children for 2 days, parent 1 has the children for 2 days, parent 2 has the children for 3 days. Each parent alternates having 3 day weekends with the children.

• 3-4-4-3: each parent gets 3 days, then 4 days, then switches from having 4 days to 3 days.

• 4-3: one parent has the children 4 days while the other has the children 3 days.

Primary Parenting

In some cases, one parent may have the children primarily, while the other parent has the children every second weekend, with mid-week visits.

Changes to Regular Parenting Schedule

You and your co-parent may want to agree on how changes to the regular parenting schedule should be made. For example, set out how much notice one co-parent needs to provide to the other to change the schedule, and whether make-up time would be allowed. For major changes, you may want to consider an amendment to your regular parenting schedule.

Right of First Refusal

You and your co-parent may want to discuss who would be the first in line to take over parenting time, if the co-parent is unable to exercise their parenting time.

Transitions

You and your co-parent may want to decide where transitions occur. For example, they may occur at school or daycare. You may also want to agree on the steps if a child is sick and is unable to attend school or daycare.

Holidays and Special Occasions

You may want to discuss how holidays and special occasions will be divided. In some cases you may divide by odd/even years. Alternatively, you may divide certain specials days by the hour, or split up the time during the day. Consider statutory holidays and non-instructional days, including Christmas, New Years, Family Day, Spring Break, Easter, Victoria Day, Summer Break, Labour Day, Truth and Reconciliation Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Remembrance Day, Winter Break, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, the children’s birthdays, and the parents’ birthdays.

Medical and Dental Issues

You may want to agree on who will be the child’s family physician or dentist. You may set out how appointments should be made, who will be making them and when will the appointments occur.

Travel

Travel is a big topic between co-parents. In a parenting plan, co-parents may want to set out the details on when one parent is allowed to travel with the children. You may want to discuss the rules around travelling outside the lower mainland and whether that includes Vancouver Island and Whistler. You may also want to discuss the rules around travelling outside BC, or Canada. Typically, one co-parent will give the other notice, and details of the trip including the itinerary, where they will be going, and where they will be staying. The other non-travelling parent may be required to sign a travel consent form. You should discuss which parent will be paying for travel insurance.

Documents

You should discuss which parent will hold the passports generally, and if one parent is travelling, when those passports are to be returned, or if this will simply alternate with travel. You may also want to discuss whether one parent will keep the child’s birth certificate, or if duplicates will be made for each co-parent.

Telephone Access and Technology

In some cases, you may want to consider whether the off-duty co-parent would have access to the children via telephone or video calls. You may allow flexible calls, or scheduled calls.

School

Co-parents may choose which school their children will go to. Co-parents may also decide who will attend the parent-teacher conferences, or whether both will attend. Co-parents can agree on whether they can attend the children’s events and activities, or whether you only attend if it is in your parenting time.

Introduction to Significant Others

You may set down some rules around introducing children to significant others, and this may include refraining from introducing children to casual dates. You may set rules around engagements or remarrying. Typically, the co-parents will agree that information around engagements or remarrying will be shared with the other co-parent before discussing with the children.

Conflict Resolution

You and your co-parent may want to set out conflict resolution rules. For example, you may agree to mediate first before initiating court proceedings.

Try going through each of these topics with your co-parent to come to an agreement on each of the topics. If you find these discussions challenging, consider engaging a counsellor, divorce coach, mediator, or lawyer to assist. Once you are both in agreement, your family lawyer may help you finalize this into a document called a parenting plan. The terms may also be organized into a separation agreement to be filed with the court before applying for a divorce.

For any questions, reach out to your family law lawyer to help determine the best approach for your family.