What is Parallel Parenting and What Does it Look Like?
When parents separate, one of the most important questions is how to structure parenting arrangements in a way that supports the well-being of their children. Every family is different, and courts look closely at their unique circumstances before deciding on issues like parenting time and decision-making responsibility. Throughout this process, the guiding principle is always the best interest of the child. This core consideration shapes every aspect of the court’s analysis and ultimately determines what parenting schedule is most appropriate.
How Does Parallel Parenting Stand Apart from Other Arrangements?
While there are more typical solutions for parents who are willing to cooperate with each other, there are also less conventional parenting schedules that are better suited to each family’s circumstances that the court may implement.
Where the parents are able to cooperate and communicate with each other, a typical parenting schedule option may be primary residence, where the child resides with one party for the majority of the time, and the other party has specified parenting time. Shared parenting is also an option where the parents are cooperative, where the child spends at least 40% of the time with each party and requires coordination and joint decision making.
There are less typical options that the court may consider if it suits the family’s unique circumstances. This includes split parenting (splitting siblings, where one child is with parent A, and the other child is with parent B), bird nesting (parents go back and forth between residences instead of the children), and parallel parenting.
This blog post will focus on parallel parenting: what it is, when the court considers using it, and the benefits and drawbacks of using it.
What is Parallel Parenting and When do the Courts Implement it?
Parallel parenting is a type of parenting schedule where the parents have little to no communication with each other. They independently manage day to day decisions during their own parenting time, or when the child is with them. Parents will have no say about the child’s activities when they are not in their care. They assume all the responsibilities related to the child during the time that the child is in their care.
Parallel parenting is typically used in situations where there is significant conflict between the parents and frequent disputes over parenting time. Courts will opt for this parenting schedule where it is in the best interest of the child that the parents do not communicate with each other. Shared decision-making responsibility should only be used where parents are able to communicate and cooperate with each other.[1] Parallel parenting has been developed for situations where there is high conflict, and the parents are unable to detach from the contentious dynamics of their relationship. It also may arise where a parent is trying to use the children to gain control over the other parent.[2]
In JR v SHC at paragraph 25, the court referenced seven key points from the Alberta case Broder v Broder, which it adopted as the general framework for understanding parallel parenting.
1. Parent assumes responsibility for the child’s time with that parent,
2. A parent has no say over actions of the other parent in that parent’s care,
3. There is no expectation of flexibility for negotiation,
4. A parent does not plan activities for the child during the other parent’s time,
5. Contact between parents is minimized,
6. Children are not asked to deliver verbal messages,
7. Information about health, school, or vacations is shared in writing
In respect to scheduling, the courts determine what is appropriate for the family’s situation. The courts want to maintain as much consistency as possible for the children involved, so typically it is a schedule where the child is given enough time to adjust to each parent’s parenting style. Again, the court’s main concern is the best interest of the child.
When courts typically implement parallel parenting was set out in RTC v NMC.[3] It refers to situations where parents carry significant pain, anger, or resentment from the breakdown of their relationship that any attempt to communicate would become hostile. This conflict makes any communication nearly impossible and would affect their ability to foster a healthy environment for the children because of their inability to cooperate. Parallel parenting should limit the parents’ interactions as much as possible by disallowing any flexibility.
Co-parenting is destined to fail when factors such as hostility and lack of communication are present. To limit “hostile flare ups between parents,” a parallel parenting model is more appropriate in the circumstances and is necessary to implement for the best interest of the child.[4]
What are Benefits of Parallel Parenting?
RTC v NMC also discussed some benefits for allowing parallel parenting. In this case specifically, one parent had a more “permissive” parenting style than the other parent. The court found that parallel parenting allows each parent to have their own parenting style when the children are with them, limiting any input that may result in hostile flare ups from the other parent. [5]
Children should be allowed sufficient time to adjust to each parents’ parenting style. For example, in RTC v NMC, the court opted for a 7-7 schedule (7 days with each parent). This allowed more stability for the children because they did not have to keep adjusting themselves to meet the “different expectations in the different residences.” [6]
Challenges of Parallel Parenting?
While parallel parenting is beneficial to parents to limit hostile flare ups or limit communication, it may present some difficulties. This includes coordinating with the other parent while having no contact and ensuring that it is the best option for their child and their family. Parents may find the concept of not having a say in the other parent’s parenting style difficult. They may also face difficulties with trading information such as medical records and school records. Because of the rigid schedule, parents may find difficulty with sudden emergencies or adjusting to the child’s extracurricular activities.
Conclusion
Overall, parallel parenting offers a structured alternative for families where high conflict or minimal cooperation makes other parenting schedules impractical. If you believe this model may suit your situation, speaking with a family lawyer can help you understand whether parallel parenting is a realistic option and how it might be implemented in your case.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
1. What is parallel parenting under British Columbia family law?
In British Columbia, parallel parenting is a parenting arrangement where each parent independently cares for the child during their own parenting time, with minimal direct communication between them. While not explicitly defined in the Family Law Act, it is recognized by the courts as an appropriate structure in high-conflict cases where cooperation is not possible.
2. When will a BC court order parallel parenting?
BC courts will consider parallel parenting when there is ongoing conflict, poor communication, or hostility between parents that makes co-parenting unrealistic. The court’s decision is always guided by the “best interests of the child,” as set out in the Family Law Act. If frequent disputes or tension could harm the child, a parallel parenting arrangement may be ordered to reduce parental interaction.
3. How does decision-making responsibility work in parallel parenting in BC?
Typically, each parent makes day-to-day decisions when the child is in their care. For major decisions (such as education or healthcare), the court may either assign responsibility to one parent or set out a structured method for decision-making. In some cases, responsibilities are divided to avoid the need for ongoing communication.
4. How do parents communicate important information in a parallel parenting arrangement?
Even with limited interaction, BC courts require parents to share essential information about the child. This is usually done through written communication methods such as email or parenting apps. The goal is to ensure the child’s needs are met while avoiding direct conflict between parents.
5. Is parallel parenting a permanent arrangement in British Columbia?
Not necessarily. Parenting arrangements in BC can be changed if there is a significant change in circumstances. If parents improve their ability to communicate and cooperate over time, they may apply to the court to move toward a more collaborative co-parenting model.
[1]JR v SHC, 2004 BCPC 421, at para 23. [JR v SHC]
[2]Ibid, at para 25
[3]RTC v NMC, 2021 BCSC 2273, at para 79. [RTC v NMC]
[4]Ibid, at para 79
[5]Ibid, at para 81
[6]Ibid, at para 81
